A Gordon Ramsay poem
gordonramsaypoetry: All of your risottos are the worst risottos I’ve ever met.
So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is...– Dead Poets Society (1989)
penandpage: casually-butts: Tumblr is like a really big blue room and people walk around in white shirts covered in sticky notes and whenever you reblog something you’re just taking one of their stickynotes and slapping it on your tit and then walking back over to your friends like guys look at this #this is the most accurate description of us i have ever heard #this is literally how i’m...
feminismisprettycool: amomentarydistraction: Having some oreos with a nice big glass of milk. Sucks to be a homophobe and not be able to enjoy oreos anymore.
The compliment every white guy in a movie has given his movie girlfriend: Wow.. you.. you look great.
jenpen: badwolfsherloki-d: cookieroach: i-like-pigeons: Your keyboard is now Daft Punk… this is not a video, click on it Hooooooooooly- #DO IT #HARDER #DO IT #HARDER hahahhaHhahhashahahhahh ok bye
redtailedhawk90: susannaholmes: ...
Fifty Shades of Grey narrated by Gilbert Gottfried
I wish I could just negotiate with the spiders in...
Me: Okay well I really hate killing you guys and I know that without you the world would be overrun with insects, so I love you and all, but I kind of really need to take a shower and I don't wanna drown you or have you panic and bite me.
Spider: No probs bro I'll just go hang around in that corner until you're done. By the way, your fan is getting really dirty, my cousin's been living in there and he's not so happy with the conditions.
Me: Oh that's okay I'll have it cleaned and just you can just tell him to move out until it's done.
Spider: Sure thing, man, I'll be over here until your shower's over.